Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit, please back in."

On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills."

At a Radiator Shop in Hereford, Arizona: "The Best Place in Cochise County to Take a Leak."

License Plate on a Rancher's Truck: RUMIN 8
 

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CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENT
This message is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to
which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged,
confidential and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If the reader
of this message is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent
responsible for delivering the message to the intended recipient, YOU ARE
HEREBY NOTIFIED that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this
communication is strictly prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient
of this message, please destroy any printed version and delete this email.

 

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger than me. We're the same age. We was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"



"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"

"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol building."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase." 

One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside
the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye, it exploded into
massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for
miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical
company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret
formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be
saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out
intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became
desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the
offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the
company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came
into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire
company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's
amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the
newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down, it drove straight into the middle of the
inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers
jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides.
It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire
and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president
announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to
$200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film,
asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve
gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck.